Eating Alone

I have 3 more nights at the nice hotel, and then I move into a house with some other compositors I am working with. The house is in Longwood, very close to work, but in a tree lined street neighborhood, full of big houses. But for now I am still in the nice hotel.

It's been really good but expensive. Without a kitchen, I have to eat out for every meal. I also have had a real hassle doing laundry. Hotels are fun in the short-term, but unless you are a rock star, hotel living can be a drain on your resources.

Just the same, it is incredibly nice to come back to a room every day, full of clean towels and a bed that has been made, full of more pillows than I would ever need, even after a surgery.

Tonight I came home to such a nice room, but I was hungry. What to do?

I don't think it would be any surprise to you if I told you that I am feeling lonely. I am not good at putting on a smile when I don't feel it. I always feel lonely when I travel away and work. It's hard not to. I am alone most of the time. Even though I know some people here. I have seen some of them, but not much. People are busy, you know. You went away and their lives keep moving ever forward. People get used to you not being around, so when you are there, their lives do not change for you. And why should they? You're the one that left. It is all very natural, even if it is also a little sad at times.

What would have happened if I had stayed in Boston, if I had never left? I will never know. There is a good chance I would not be living this kind of life. I don't know if it would be better or worse. But there is no point in pondering these things anyway - I did leave, and everything else that followed has brought me back for these couple of months.

Anyway, tonight in my loneliness and hunger, I was going to stay in my room and spend an exorbitant amount of money on room service bringing me a salad. But then I thought, why not just go downstairs and eat in their dining room by yourself and pay half the price for the same thing?

So, I went downstairs to the hotel dining room. It is part of the foyer entrance. There is a huge chandelier there. No guests were there. I went over to a table and sat down.

I sat down by the piano player. He was playing a medley of contemporary and retro pop songs. Only I, the Concierge and Receptionist were around to appreciate it. I ordered a glass of wine, and sat back and admired the chandelier.

Just me and the staff. It is a quiet hotel.

I have ordered room service a few times in the past, always delivered by a nice woman. She told me that the hotel is slow, and everyone on staff is part time now, so they no longer get the hours and benefits they used to have.

I told her I was sorry to hear it. She told me she can't pay her mortgage.

But then she told me that she was grateful that they only cut her hours instead of laying her off. "We are very lucky that we still have jobs. Thank you for staying here," she said.

I usually feel really awkward when I eat alone in restaurants. I don't really like to read when I eat dinner, so I just look around, and eventually stare into space, thinking about this and that.

I really enjoyed it tonight though. I was totally digging the piano player's repertoire.

How great would it be to have your evenings accompanied by piano music? I was admiring that the guy could play. I wonder if pianists feel lucky that if they are bored they can always entertain themselves with playing music. Maybe they don't think of their ability to play as a gift. Who knows?

I walk by the piano player every night when I come back to the hotel. I usually just pass him by, and get into an elevator. I was glad that I came back downstairs and heard him play. Thank you piano player, for playing James Taylor, the Bee Gees, the Carpenters, and Gwen Stefani. But I think you can stop playing the Christmas songs now.

I ate a Cobb Salad. No chicken. I also had a glass of Pinot Noir. It was marvelous.