I am not natural

The job finished yesterday. I am so happy that it's over. I didn't enjoy it, though I did good work with the time and material given. It seems I don't enjoy any job these days, since I moved to Australia. It is so stressful to work on a movie here! There just doesn't seem to be the money, and not enough women are part of the creative process, in my opinion. I was stressed out and pissed off after the first month, because again I was surrounded by smelly dysfunctional guys who, as well meaning as they are, are condescending and irritating to have to communicate with sometimes. And I had a boss who was a nervous wreck, and sleep-deprived from a new baby and somehow thought it was our fault that he had made his choices. He didn't have confidence in us, as much as he tried to. I have another movie to work on next month, and the pay will be a bit better, and the conditions should be better, and there should be more women, but I will have to go back to Sydney to do it. It's a crazy career here. If anyone has suggestions for a new line of work, I'm open to them. In fact, I need some inspiration. New things will be attempted soon, I think.

I went down to the river today and looked at the craft market stalls down there. There were a bunch of people walking around in the center of it holding signs. Three of the signs said "FREE HUGS" and another sign said "FREE HIGH 5". A guy did the free hugs thing in NYC when I lived there, but I never saw him, I only saw a photo of him in the paper. I walked by these people and wondered, could I use a hug? One of the people was an older guy with a big smile and he looked at me and I suddenly opened my arms and said, "come on and give me one". He said "I knew I could count on you!" and gave me a big hug. It was great! Very funny and very nice too. He wasn't Australian - I think he was Israeli.

Darcy said to me once that he thinks women like cleaning. I set him straight -"Women don't like cleaning. Women like things to be clean, suckafool." Just so people know, in case anyone thought differently about chicks. I didn't really call Darcy a suckafool, but sometimes he can push my buttons. I think he does it on purpose, for sport, sometimes. Anyway, when I see a dirty kitchen, I foresee a gang of roaches and an army of ants, calling turf and terrorizing my foodstuffs. As things heat up, I am seeing more and more bugs. AHHH, can't escape them, I know, but we can at least keep them to a minimum. Last year, the ants started using the space between the kitchen sink and the wall like a crack alley, passing particles of food through, hanging out, munching on sludge. I had to constantly wipe it out with Windex. Rogue ants can be found on the sofa and the bed. When they are alone, they are scared. So they bite. Man, I hate them! If I ever get to build a house, I am going to make it out of stone and tile. And it will have a saltwater pool. And a courtyard in the middle. And maybe a small theater. And a basketball court. But no bugs. NO BUGS!!!!

In the summer you do not want to wear closed toe shoes here. It's hot and sticky, and you sweat from every part of your body, even your eyes. The unofficial Australian shoe is a flip-flop, or thong as they are still referred to here. You look around on the street, and at least 90% of the people you see around are wearing flip flops.

When I moved to Los Angeles I started to wear them, as in New York it felt too dirty to have your bare foot so close to the street. In LA you drive everywhere so flip flops are easy to wear. In Brisbane, however, I discovered that flip flops are not good to wear as an everyday shoe. They are quite hard to walk in for an extended amount of time, and put a lot of strain on my knees. But the dressy sandals I have are no better - they are really designed for short stints, like walking to the car, or milling around at a party or a wedding. Can a women's sandal be practical and stylish?

It depends on your taste. Last year in Sydney I bought these sandals, reluctantly:



They are hippie shoes and not very attractive. Everyone here wears the Birkenstocks, and I was against it. However, when I started to walk in them, I began to understand why they are so damn popular. They are light as a feather, and feel absolutely good on your feet. And, unlike flip flops, they just stay on your feet - you don't have to grip them with your toes to keep them on or anything. I have always been very against wearing anything that hints at being a middle-aged lesbian from Cambridge or a nun, but after walking an hour to work in little rubber Havianas, I decided that people could think I was as old or gay or natural or Catholic as they wanted - I didn't care. I bought the Birkenstocks and wore them almost everyday.

As I have been wearing them again almost everyday this summer, I catch myself in the mirror sometimes and just shake my head. "what are you doing in those hippie-ass shoes, suckafool?" I ask myself. There has got to be an alternative to looking like a commune organic farmer mother of five. So, I went to David Jones (the Australian equivalent to Bloomingdales) and bought a pair of "Fit Flops":




they are supposed to give your legs a work out while you walk and help you stand up straight. They also have a high strap so they stay on your feet really well. They have so much cushioning I feel like I am walking on clouds; they have better shock absorption than any sneaker I have ever worn. I got to wearing those everyday, but one morning I put them on and Darcy laughed at me. "I don't think you should wear those shoes with that outfit," he said. I looked in the mirror, and saw that he was right. They do look a little funny, depending on what you wear. sigh. They feel so good, and I don't look hippie-ish in them.

Yesterday when I found out all my shots were approved and the job was finished, I was in the city and doing a little Christmas shopping, but decided to attempt to get some new sandals. Those Birkenstocks are so darn comfy that I decided to get another pair, but these are cool:




Once you go comfortable, it's hard to revert. But I just can't go hippie. I just can't!

where do we go? why do we do stuff?

Last week at the gym the song "Sweet Child O'Mine" was playing, the Guns n' Roses version. My personal trainer, Richie, was stretching me out and said, "this is one of the best songs ever, don't you think? I loved this song growing up." He is 24. I prefer the version done by Luna, myself, but I just smiled and said yeah. Sometimes I lie to be friendly - I know it's not necessary, but it's easier.

Tonight I took a cab home after a too long day of work. In the cab, on the radio, "Sweet Child O'Mine" was playing, the Guns n' Roses version. The cab driver said, "It's about time they played this song. Haven't heard it in ages! I love this song. This is what I listened to growing up." He told me they came to Brisbane and played without Slash. I replied "Without Slash? You're kidding! What's the point? He's half the reason you go to the show!" The guy agreed with me completely, and again I lied to be friendly - I would never go see Guns n' Roses, I never liked them.

Saturday we had a party. Darcy's friends came with their kids, and ran around and laughed and it was fun. As they left some of my co-workers showed up with some of their friends, and it was good, mostly. I'm not a fan of one person at work in particular(there always has to be one), and he came. Yesterday he told me that he thought as he was leaving the party on Saturday that we had too much beer left over. So he took some. Who the hell does that? No more parties for that freak.