goodbye for now

I returned from Sydney on Saturday. The job is not finished; they will resume in 3 weeks' time, but not with me. They asked me if I would come back, but I will be away. I also don't want to work with the tomboy, porn-obsessed, dude-calling woman with a B.O. problem who doesn't stop talking. She drove us all over the edge.

People who know me are probably used to hearing me say things like, "the job is crazy, we are working crazy hours!" or "the client is insane, they want it done yesterday", etc. I have said these things many times, and probably will do so many times to come. But THIS job, THIS job was uniquely ridiculous. The atmosphere was unbearable at times. For the first time, and hopefully only time, I went to the pub a couple of times a week to have a beer break during the day. for most of the job, and for all of the last month and a half,I worked 7 days a week, day and night, and was surrounded by people who, as Mick put it, "have a lot of carry-on baggage, and not enough checked in".

I thought a lot about that while I was down there. A couple of the people I worked with in Sydney worked so hard to create a facade they thought made them seem cool and interesting, and the harder they worked, the more transparent they seemed. It appears that the need for attention and approval pushes people away. Of course, I wouldn't know what that's like, as I have never needed any one's approval or attention, but, it seems other people really suffer from that. Gee, I feel bad for them.

Just kidding. For real, I need approval and attention like anyone, but I guess this job made me so angry that I got to a point where I didn't care if anyone liked me. Not just anyone at work, but anyone anywhere. I became completely fed up. I realized that I had spent the whole year here in Australia worried about fitting in, being accepted and having people like me. Now I have to respect myself, and decide whether or not I like people.

As a result, I have met some people I genuinely like, and feel comfortable with. I have realized that I am actually good at my job, and it's ok if I don't know everything. Also, I am a nice woman, and a little quirky. But, my quirkiness is a good thing.

I have gained some positive things from an overall very stressful experience. It doesn't mean smooth sailing, but maybe it means I won't revisit the same problems next time. We'll see what happens next.

I'm back in Brisbane, with Darcy, and my fatigue has taken over. I'm helping him with the weaving, but at about 7pm I am extremely tired, and at night I am sleeping heavily. It's good to be in my own bed, in a dark and quiet room. Though occasionally I will hear a "thump!" on the roof. "Did you hear that?"

"It's possums," Darcy replies.

People Places n' Things

2 more weeks and the project is over, and I return to Brisbane. Now we are working a lot. At least I am, and Mick, another co-worker of mine. All week, late nights, and all weekend. We have a lot to get done in 2 weeks. But, I think it can be done.

This job has been crazy from the beginning. A lack of organization on both our side and the Director's side, an unwillingness to work together from the Director's People, and personality issues on our side that I have never experienced before. This line of work here seems to breed some very odd people, who are singularly obsessed. Maybe I am too, and I just don't know it.

I work with a guy who gets to work around 7:30am. He brings his lunch, and is on the CSIRO diet, or the diet that is spelled similarly. He can rarely be tempted by an occasional ice cream or birthday cake. He is 26 but looks 46. He walks hunched over. He hasn't been too many places - Sydney is the biggest move he has ever done. He sits in front of the computer all day, then when he goes home, he and his wife cook dinner, watch TV, then he plays an online video game until 12:30am. In the morning, he gets to work early, so he can watch a recording of his video game the night before.

He seems to enjoy his work, and he never seems to stop sitting. He doesn't leave his desk all day. Unless he has to go to the bathroom, or to the screening room to look at shots. He told me on weekends he never goes out, unless it's to go to the mall, to buy things for the house. He said, "When you go out, you always have to be on guard."

I said,"Why, because you have your laptop with you?"

He said, "No, because you can never be yourself in public."

I thought it was an interesting thing to say. It is probably the most interesting thing he has ever said.

He is a good compositor, and easy to work with, but not much for a chat.

I work with 2 other compositors who, truth be told, I like more. One of them is a good friend of the Dull One. The guy is very Christian. He doesn't push it on anyone though. He doesn't talk about it. I only know he is religious because the Dull One mentioned it. And, sometimes he mentions his wife's church activities.

This Nice One is very thoughtful, funny, and smart. He is also into computer games, and sits a lot, but seems to have more going on. He and his wife are expecting a baby in a few months, and he is very happy. He is young too, maybe 28, or 29, but he seems that way as well.

One morning, Mick made us coffee, like he does every morning, and The Nice One turned around and opened a big box, and said, "Would you like a treat for your coffees?" In the box were a bunch of brightly decorated cupcakes. I exclaimed "Wow! Yes!" His wife had spent the night before with her church group, hanging out and making cupcakes.

I think a church that makes cupcakes may be an okay one.

I may start a group of my own, one that meets one night a week and hangs out and bakes cupcakes. I enjoy cupcakes.

Anyway, I told The Nice One "you are a very lucky man."

He replied "I have always thought so. Thank you, Alicia. I will tell her you said that."

He is The Nice One.

Mick, the third compositor, has been a real friend to me here. We chat and make each other laugh and share a love of disco and funk music. I have never met a straight man with his music tastes. He is a very easygoing person, and knows a lot about the ocean. When he isn't working, he goes snorkeling a lot, and has traveled around. He never makes me feel bad about being American, though like everyone here, he laughs sometimes at the things I say. We get along really well. He has been very nice to me, and has real empathy and thoughtfulness. It has been important to get to know someone and just talk about things that have nothing to do with cultural differences. And to laugh. He has introduced me to some of his friends, and I think, is he stays in Sydney, he may be someone here that I can consider a friend. He and the female co-worker who quit have helped me cope through my time here. I don't know how I would have done it without them. They don't read this blog, so if I thank them here, they won't know it. Maybe I will make them cupcakes.


Last night when I was walking home from work, a guy who was all messed up on something came up to me and said, "give me all your fucking money right now or I'll kill ya". It all happened so quickly, and I felt myself watching it instead of being in it. He repeated "give me all your fucking money," and I turned and walked away. He started following me and yelling "give me your fucking money or I'll shoot!" and I started running. He chased me and I ran into a restaurant, where people were watching, and he ran off. A waiter there sat me down and gave me a glass of water, and a couple came over and told me they saw it, and a young delivery guy went outside and checked around to see where he was. It all seemed ok, and a few minutes later I walked the rest of the way home. But then when I got home, I called Darcy, and then I started shaking and crying. Why did I just walk away? Maybe he had a gun. I could have been shot. How did I know otherwise? Was I stupid to have done what I did? I didn't think about it though. I just reacted.

It's early morning now, and I have to go to work, but I am nervous to walk. I don't know if I will see him again, or if he will even remember me. I was wondering if anything like that would happen to me while I was here.

Here in Sydney, autumn is approaching. The air is good.